


spit a verse

by sarabbz



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunk Texting, M/M, Mordern Era, Texting, burr is done with everyones shit, is this drunk texting, johns a sex addict almost, this is the third thing i've posted today, why does alex drink, why does alex have a phone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarabbz/pseuds/sarabbz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>various texts that have no real meaning</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. spit a verse

_John <3 changed the groupchat name to_

**Trash** **more like Hash (Browns)**

 

 **elizhuh:** ok john y

this doesnt make sense

 **john <3:** ur f ace doesn t mak e sense

a, m i rit e ladies

 **croissant:** u are not right

 **john <3: **su ck my ASS u fucking baugguete croisdnnat pieice of tr ash

doN t fuck wiht me 

 **hulkules:** what

 **john <3: **doNnt fuckw ithnme her c i could fuck unup

i coukd robba bank

imcould eat all the pasta i fucjingn WANNT aT olIVE GA RDEN

FUCK THE SNYSTEM AM I RIGHT

 **elizhuh:** no john u are not right

where is ur bf

 **john <3: **fuKcing me  int he  ass eliz a thats where

righht in my ass

 **alex:** i am not 

i'm driving his drunk ass home

* * *

 

 **angry burr:** why did u add me to this groupchat

 **ANGELica** : ok bu rr you and i a re gonna fuckign FIGH T

NO ONEN EVNE LIKEK SOYU

 **angry burr:** i'm gonna go

 **ANGELica** : go wH ERE

COME. AT ME BURR

* * *

 

 **alex:** can we have sex

 **john <3: **ok

* * *

 

 **hulkules:**  dude i ordered like 60 fucking mcnuggets last night and i didnt even eat them

they are just on my bed

wtf

 **croissant:** oui that sounds like a personal problem

 **john <3:** can i come over

im hungry

 **hulkules:** they have been in my room since 2am last night. it's noon.

thats like ten hours of cold nugget

 **john <3: **ok but u didnt answer my question

 **croissant:** can i join

* * *

 

 **ANGELica:** has anyone seen eliza

 **alex:** she's with me

we're making out

 **john <3: **the fuck

 **alex:** dude ur in the room with us

we aren't making out

 **john <3: **i was just making out with u

 **alex:** i know

 **ANGELica:** ok so

is this a threesome

 **elizhuh:** no

* * *

 

 **croissant:** i am flying back to france

i am actually a baguette

im breaking the news now

goodbye

 **alex:** it was great knowing u

 **john <3: **bring me back a poodle when u visit

 **alex:** dear god please dont

 **croissant:** im not actually leaving u fuckers

 **hulkules:** we can only dream

* * *

 

 **john <3: **we should make a rap group

 **alex:** no

 **hulkules:** no

 **croissant:** no

 **ANGELica:** ok john

its u and me

spit the first verse

 **john <3: **i like dogs

they dont like frogs

im fucking up this rap

because im in alex's lap

 **ANGELica:** what does that last line mean

 **elizahuh:** we all know what that last line means

 **ANGELica:** wE. RE YOU HAVING SEX ANNDTEXTING ME AT THE SAME TIME

 


	2. i'm going to fight george

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more various texts between the hamilton squad

**croissant:** bonjour

we should go see finding neverland

 **hulkules:**  i dont want to be disappointed today

i had burr in my class

seeing his face was disappointing enough

 **john <3:** fucjckufjcjfj 

TRUU

U ARE SO RIGHTLFUCKFUJCUFK 

 **croissant:** so is that a no

 **john <3: **lets ask burr if he wants 2 go

 **hulkules:** pls dont

_John <3 added Angry Burr to the group chat._

**john <3: **yo burr wanna see finding neverland

 **angry burr:** i'd rather not

 **john <3: **u would relate to tinkerbell

she isnt in the show and no one cares

 **angry burr:** can i leave this

 **hulkules:** tell peter pan i say hello

* * *

 

 **alex:** im going to fight george

 **elizhuh:**  please god not again

u fought him yesterday

 **alex:** he was stupid today in class

his arguments made no sense

 **elizhuh:** when does he ever make sense

 **alex:** im going to fight george

 **john <3: **FUCUCK UFKC YEAH BABY

im so proud

im like a proud mom

carried u in my womb for nine months

 **ANGELica:** i feel bad ur mom had to carry u for 9 months, john

she wanted someone great

all she got was someone who sucks dick, draws turtles and eats pizza

 **john <3: **and thats bad how

* * *

 **ANGELica:** YOOOOOO

ALEX FOUGHT GEORGE

 **john <3: **FUCK YES

THATS MY BOY

THAT IS MY BOYFRIEND

FUCKFUCKFUCKKCFUCUCJM P

LET S ALL GO GETDRINKS AND CELEBRATE FU CKMYEHAH

 **alex:** i need a drink

i think i broke his nose

 **elizhuh:** u broke it yesterday

 **alex:** i broke it again

* * *

 

 **croissant:** alexander is drunk

he is singing super trouper on karaoke

 **john <3: **h e saounds. fucking ggoodo too

HE SOUDN S LIKE BEYINCE

AND MARI A H CAREY CO  M BO

A. FUCKCUNG A N G EL

 **ANGELica:** i'm soooooooooo not upset i missed it

did u get video

 **hulkules:** he sang every part

even the harmonies

 **alex:** Ook YIU KNOW WHAT

I FU CKING. LOV E ABB A

CA N W EGO SEE. MAMMAMA MI A ON BROAD WYA

 **croissant:** it closed

 **alex:** HW S THRN D FCUK

WHY DID. NO ONE TLEL,MME

I AM HTHR NUMBBE RONE ABBA FAN

WHIO THE FUCUK ALLOWE D FHIS

 **hulkules:** it has been closed for months, alex

 **alex:** HWO DID THAT

WHOEVE R DID THAT CANN SUCK MY. COCKK

IM GINNA FIGUTNT HEM

 **ANGELica:** u have fought enough people today

go have sex with ur boyfriend nd sleep it off

 **john <3: **w. e are. very upsrt mamma mia. cl osed

 **croissant:** ok herc tonight is ur turn to take their drunk asses home

avoir du plaisir avec ce

 **hulkules:** fuck

* * *

 

 **john <3:** i have some good news

 **hulkules:** ur pregnant

 **ANGELica:** u are leaving the group chat

 **croissant:** u are moving away

 **elizhuh:** u passed washington's class

 **john <3: **ok

no

u are all wrong

alex and i got married

 **ANGELica:** the fuck

 **croissant:** how would u even do that

i was with u all night

u threw up on my shoes

 **john <3: **SIKE

we had sex tho it was pretty great

 **croissant:** u owe me new shoes

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another one of these various texts things. i'm really trying to test out the format. i hope you enjoyed! follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	3. burr is crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more texts

**elizhuh:** did u guys see tjeff today

**hulkules:** what was he wearing now

i hope it wasnt the tiedye wool sweater again

idk why he thought that was a good idea

**ANGELica:** ok but how did he get that

how do u tiedye wool

**john <3: **u just dye it

its not that hard

**elizhuh:** no & no

he wore a sequin glove

**alex:** so

michael jackson pulled it off

**elizhuh:** u didnt let me finish

and 

a hot pink velvet suit jacket

**john <3: **FUCKCUFKCKC

UR KIDDING

HOT PINK

ARE U JOKING

DO U HAVE PHOTOS

**elizhuh:** i am not joking

he and madison were matching too

**ANGELica:** i saw madison

pink is not madison's color

**john <3: **pls say u have pics

i will pay u for them

**hulkules:** what will u do with those pics john

**alex:** nothing if i get a hold of them first

i like how he says i have bad fashion taste and then does this

**john <3: **ok honey

u have worn sweatpants that say bite me on them

with a skull tee shirt

in public

i think u and tjeff are the same fashion wise

**alex:** IT WAS ONE TIME

* * *

**croissant:** i just walked into tweedle dee and tweedle dum's room

john was crying

is he ok

**alex:** we were watching mulan

**elizhuh:** i love that movie

y wasnt i invited

**alex:** u were

u said u had to talk to burr

so im giving u the silent treatment remember

**elizhuh:** i needed the notes i missed in class

**croissant:** i could've given them to u

**elizhuh:** all u do is draw photos of baguettes and the eiffel tower

i needed real notes

**john <3: **can u two shut up im watching a movie

**elizhuh:** how are the tears going

**john <3: **going strong

**croissant:** vous n'êtes jamais trouvé à nouveau mes notes

* * *

 

**angry burr:** tommorow there is a club meeting for debate team

**alex:** can we debate together

**angry burr:** no

**alex:** remember last time

**angry burr:** yes

**alex:** remember how i beat u so bad u cried

**angry burr:** yes

**alex:** why cant we debate again

are u afraid u will cry

**angry burr:** fine lets debate again

* * *

 

**ANGELica:**  burr is crying

**elizhuh:** how did the debate go

**ANGELica:** well burr is crying and threatening to quit the team while john & alex makeout

its going well

**john <3: **my boyfriend made burr cry

what a legend

A LEGEND I TELL YOU

FUCKING FANTASTIC

#1 ALEXANDER STAN

#1 HAMILSTAN

**elizhuh:** hamilstan? really

**ANGELica:** i think its creative

**elizhuh:** i think ur weave is creative

bc the fucking tracks are like artwork

**john <3: **YIKES

SLEEP WITH UR EYES OPEN 2NITE ELIZA

* * *

 

**elizhuh:** can i sleep in ur bed alex

**alex:** ok its 2am and why 

**elizhuh:** i know ur in john's bed

u probably had sex as usual

**alex:** ur not wrong

**elizhuh:** angelica is threatening to kick me out of the dorm

she will get over it tomorrow

but

**alex:** ok come over

**john <3: **we cannot promise to be clothed by then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these do not have any plot but they are fun to write and imagine. follow me on twitter for more hamilton @crissftlaurens


	4. dude i dont care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more texts + tjeff

**john <3: **can we go out tonight

**croissant:** we went out last night

**hulkules:** and a blizzard is supposed to happen

**john <3: **so

**hulkules:** no

maybe like idk study for once

**john <3: **i dont need to

**elizhuh:** finals are in two days

what is alex doing

**john <3: **studying

did u know studying is a combo of student and dying

i dont want to die young

**hulkules:** i hope u do

i wont have to deal with ur horny ass everyday

**john <3: **my ass is never horny

**elizhuh:** what does that mean

**john <3: **it means my cock is, duh

* * *

 

**alex:** have u guys seen angelica

is she still bitter about what eliza said

i have said worse things when i am drunk

**john <3: **remember when u called her a bitch once

she didnt speak to u for weeks

**alex:** i think she still hates me for it

**hulkules:** technically thats my fault

i made u take a fireball shot

**croissant:** those taste so good tho

perfection

**alex:** what is wrong with u

ur so weird

go back to france

**croissant:** dont judge me

at least ik not to call angelica a bitch

**alex:** I WAS DRUNK

IT WAS ONE TIME

anyways

where is she

**elizhuh:** she is wt me

we are at a museum

**john <3: **lol have fun in the snow

its supposed to storm asap

**elizhuh:** ur the one that wanted 2 go out tonight

**john <3: **AND I DIDNT

BC IM SMART

AND STAYED IN TO STUDY

**alex:** no u stayed in and asked if we could "netflix and chill"

**elizhuh:** john why r u like this

**john <3: **htgawm????? and sex?????

a v good combo

try it some time

whenever u get laid

if u get laid

**hulkules:** what is with dumb and dumber and insulting the sisters

**alex:** I HAVENT INSULTED ANY OF THEM IN MONTHS

IT WAS ONE TIME

* * *

 

**tjeff:** yo party @ mi place 9pm

**alex:** dude its snow storming

**tjeff:** dude i dont care

**alex:** dude no one will go

**tjeff:** dude yes they will

**alex:** ur logic makes no sense

its cold and snowy and wet

no one will walk to ur house just for a party that wont be that great to begin with

**tjeff:** excuse u

i have wine coolers and fireball

**alex:** fireball?

another reason u convinced me to not go

* * *

**john <3: **can we go to tjeff's party

**alex:** no

**elizhuh:** no

**ANGELica:** no

**hulkules:** no

**croissant:** non, imbécile

**john <3: **can we have a group netflix and chill

**ANGELica:** i am not having a group orgy

**john <3: **i meant an actual hang out

not an orgy

**elizhuh:** sure u did

**john <3: **i guess i'll just have sex with my boyfriend alone

**hulkules:** that's usually how it works

**alex:** i'm studying

**john <3: **i guess i'll do nothing alone 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are so fun to write omg thank you for reading this got more attention than i thought it would. ok follow me @crissftlaurens on twitter


	5. xD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dragging john

**john <3: **can we get a pet

**elizhuh:** like a friendship pet

**hulkules:** how would that even work

**john <3: **like a turtle

we share it

ya know xD

**elizhuh:** did u just

**croissant:** unbelievable

**alex:** john

im breaking up with u

**hulkules:** i have to unfollow u on twitter

**john <3: **why

**elizhuh:** john

**john <3: **what

i know the pet idea is weird

but i think it could work

imagine laf watching over a turtle xD

**alex:** not again

**hulkules:** make it stop

**croissant:** i will ignore that comment about me since u are embarassing urself using that stupide petit visage

**john <3: **what face

xD?

its funny

better than half the emojis eliza uses

**elizhuh:** ok the crying face emoji is 20x better than that catastrophe

**alex:** why am i dating u

**john <3: **bc im nice and u enjoy having sex with me

**alex:** that face is slimming any chances of sex anytime soon

**hulkules:** u cant take away that from john

thats like taking away the xD face from him

he will die without it

**croissant:** hercules is correct

**john <3: **tjeff uses it

**elizhuh:** thats bc tjeff doesnt understand anything on a phone

he got an iphone last month

he is like a kid getting a blackberry in 2012

**alex:** y would u even copy texting lingo from tjeff

why are u texting him

**ANGELica:** im late to the convo

but

john if u use that xD face one more time, u are not allowed to copy off my tests in class

**john <3: **fine i'll stop

**alex:** oh babe one more thing

**john <3: **what

**alex:** we made a seperate gc without u in case u continued the xD face

and made a decision

**john <3: **ok 1. wtf 2. what

**alex:** no turtles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short but this is my way of indirectly dragging anthony for tweeting the xD face


	6. wtf is a grand slamwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad is hungry

**john <3:** i'm hungry

 **elizhuh:** ok

 **john <3:** can we get food

 **alex:** we have food in our room

 **john <3:** i want real food

like dennys

 **elizhuh:** we are not going to denny's

 **hulkules:** that sounds pretty bomb

i could go for a grand slamwich

 **ANGELica:** wtf is a grand slamwich

 **hulkules:** heaven

 **ANGELica:** do they have vegan options

 **john <3:** idk

its dennys

 **ANGELica:** what does that mean

 **john <3:** probably not

 **elizhuh:** i'll go if alex goes

he will keep u and herc sane

where is laf

 **hulkules:** taking a test

its for his womens studies class

 **alex:** ok r we going to dennys

 **john <3:** YES

* * *

 **ANGELica:** dennys did not have vegan options

u lied

 **john <3:** i said idk

im not vegan

i like meat

 **hulkules:** i think im gonna vomit

 **elizhuh:** well u ate like everything on the menu

in sandwich form

i wouldnt b surprised

 **croissant:** thank god u guys went without me

im not cleaning up herc's aftermath

 **ANGELica:** he is ur room mate

 **croissant:** and u all took him to dennys

 **john <3:** i feel fine thx alex for paying for me

 **alex:** if u so much as sound like u will throw up in our bed 2nite

i am making u sleep on the floor

 **john <3:** i wont throw up

unless i have a dream about burr

then i cant make any promises

 **ANGELica:** relatable

 **elizhuh:** btw have u seen burr lately

 **alex:** no thnk god

 **john <3:** i heard he went back home for a lady friend

 **alex:** someone is willing to be with him????

that poor girl

 **elizhuh:** truuu

 **john <3:** i heard she has a bf

that isnt burr

but they have a baby

 **croissant:** yikes

 **ANGELica:** idk whats worse

the image of burr having sex

or

that i feel slightly sympathetic

 **alex:** let's hope he stays home 4 good

 **elizhuh:** alex u can feel bad for him

 **alex:** i can??? weird

 **john <3: **shady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a dream about this so i wrote it. it took like 16 retries to post tho it was difficult. hope you all enjoy, thank you so much for reading and leaving amazing comments! follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	7. it is a cold holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays from the squad

**john <3: **merry xmas & happy holidays

**hulkules:** are u quoting nsync

**john <3: **i could be

im not

**croissant:** christmas is not for a few days

**john <3: **its christmas week

everyday is christmas

**elizhuh:** thats not how it works

**john <3: **when ur dating a.ham it is

**elizhuh:** wouldnt that be worse

**hulkules:** yeah he hasnt left the dorms

i think he is scared to go outside

**croissant:** he fears the snow

**elizhuh:** i love the snow

**ANGELica:** we also have lived here all our life

alex doesnt even kno what snow is

**alex:** its fucking cold

thats what it is

FUCKING COLD

**john <3: **babe its only like

15°

maybe 20°

**alex:** THATS COLD AS HELL

**elizhuh:** hell is actually hot

not cold

**alex:** did u not read dante's inferno

hell is freezing

**hulkules:** ok but

snow is great

except here in nyc

**croissant:** the sidewalks look like... how do u say not nice

**hulkules:** gross

thats how u say it

gross

**croissant:** they look gross

**alex:** that is why i am not leaving the dorm

it is not a happy holiday

it is a cold holiday

**john <3: **we should all go watch its a wonderful life

1 of those old movie theaters are playing it

**elizhuh:** i'm down

**ANGELica:** me too

can peggy join

its her fav

**croissant:** yes!

let us go

and have a wonderful life

**alex:** if i get any form of dirty sludge on me, i am going back to my room

\----

**john <3: **wasnt that wonderful

**alex:** i think i have frostbite

**elizhuh:** it was good knowing u

**alex:** thx

my hand is blue

im dying

guys

im dying

WHY DOES NO ONE CARE

MY HAND IS BLUE

**hulkules:** dude thats from ur blue pen

u rubbed it all over ur paper this morning

**alex:** oh yeah

ok but my hand is cold

**john <3: **is anywhere else cold ;)))))

**ANGELica:** bye john

**john <3: **i can warm it up 4 u ;)))

**elizhuh:** someone kick him out

**john <3: **haha and then what ;)

_Alex kicked John <3 out of the group chat._

**alex:** thank god

_Hulkules added John <3 to the group chat._

**john <3: **who the fuck unadded me

angelica i bet

**ANGELica:** tHE FUCK

IT WAS UR BOYFRIEND

**john <3: **alex

i will lock u out of our dorm

u will sleep in the slushy streets alone

**alex:** someone unadd him again

**hulkules:** fight fight fight fight fight

**john <3: **no more sex 4 u

**alex:** thats more of an issue for u, babe

i can handle my business alone

**john <3: **u wouldnt dare

**alex:** i would

**croissant:** i am not letting alex crash in herc's and my dorm

eliza u take one for the team if this ends up badly

**elizhuh:** they are gonna have angry sex till next christmas

**hulkules:** merry christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh thank you all so much for the support of this. i love your comments and kudos and everything. thank you <3 i think this will be my last update until after christmas, but thank you so much for reading and happy holidays! follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	8. no nye sex in my dorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nye shenanigans

**john <3: **whats the plan for nye

**hulkules:** john i think u forgot that the sisters are gone

im gone

burr is gone

everyone is fuckin gone except laf, u, tjeff, and alex

**john <3: **shit

ur right

why did u leave

**hulkules:** why did u come home early

**john <3: **u know why i came home early

**alex:** to be with me

**john <3: **that and his excellency, my father was being a dick 

again

**alex:** right

**croissant:** oui we can chill

watch movies maybe???

no nye sex in my dorm

**hulkules:** pls god dont

laf if they even kiss, kick them out

i dont want to come home the next day to a sex smelling room

**croissant:** i wouldnt dare let them do so

**john <3: **tjeff is having a party

**alex:** with who

everyone is fuckin gone

**john <3: **can we go babe plsssssssss

plsssssss

plEAAAAASEEEEEEEE

**alex:** fine

**croissant:** good luck

\---

**john <3: **i mE. t the cutestts fucking girl

ever 

im nto g evne kidding sh eis s o nice an d prett y

**croissant:** is alex with u

**john <3: **yehah he loveee. s her 

shhe. si like our new. best frienn. d

**elizhuh:** excuse me

who is she

**alex:** MA. RIA 

SH EIS SOSO NICE

ELIIZ A. YOUNWOULD LOVEE HER

WE SHOUDL ALL BECOME. EBST FRIENDS. PLELASE

AND THEN GO LIIVE LIKE

IN A CLOUUD

ON A CASTLE

A CASTLKE ON A CLOIUUD

LIKEK IN LES MISERABNLELS

**elizhuh:** maria reynolds???

oh sweet lord

someone contact thomas

**john <3:** whyy s he isjs ap nice

shhe has r e dlipsotick

its s sooooooo. preee t t y

nd. she anang karaokke iwihth me and allex

we san g mmamma mia because. alex lovoes mmamma mia

**hulkules:** i'll text thomas

**elizhuh:** thx

\---

**hulkules:** yo man 

**tjeff:** wat

**hulkules:** can u get maria reynolds away from tweedle dee and tweedle dum

**tjeff:** y

wats in it 4 me

**hulkules:** i wont punch you in the face 2morrow for getting them drunk

alone

u kno they cant be like that alone especially around maria

we all kno what maria will do

**tjeff:** ok but u owe me

shes gonna cling to me tonight

luckily shes hot and im hot so it works

**hulkules:** whatever man

just get those two prettyboys back to the dorm somehow

without maria

**tjeff:** ya ya w/e

\---

**elizhuh:** are u guys home yet

**john <3: **yyeyah im im. bed

im sleep

**elizhuh:** good

go to sleep

is alex ok

**john <3: **heh went to be d om the floor

inwant to cuuddle with him but he threw up 

so mmaybe thtas not the best idea

**elizhuh:** probably not

**hulkules:** i'll be home in the morning and i'll check on u two

**croissant:** i'll go check on them rn

make sure alex doesnt choke in vomit in his sleep

**john <3: **id dint even gebt tot have nye sex

**hulkules:** pity

**croissant:** im coming over now

**elizhuh:** love u john

go to sleep

**john <3: **i lovoe you guyss

goodnjjgith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone's holidays are going well! here is a quick update. hopefully your nye won't end up like this! follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	9. Who The Fuck Doesnt Like Chipotle???????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peggy joins the gc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a brief mention of throw up, just so you know. it isn't graphic or anything, but it is spoken of for like two lines. and now peggy has joined the groupchat!

_ANGELica added Pegs to the group chat._

**ANGELica:** ok guys we have a minor in the gc

be normal

 **pegs:** im not a minor im 18

 **hulkules:** thats like a minor

we're like five years older than u

 **alex:** ok ur five yrs

everyone else is like three yrs or less

 **hulkules:** ok whatever

dont remind me how old i am

 **alex:** ur 23

 **hulkules:** fuck off

hi peggy how are u

 **ANGELica:** i asked u to act normal

not like idiots

 **elizhuh:** normally, arent they idiots, my dear sister?

 **john <3: **GUYS

GUYS

GUESS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

U WONT BELIEVE IT

 **ANGELica:** john if u say one thing about ur sex life with alex while peggy is in here

i will go to your dorm and kill ur ass

 **john <3: **OK NO I WISH BUT

I WAS TALKING TO BURR

 **alex:** y would u even consider doing that

thats like a crime

 **john <3: **AND HE IS MOVING BACK HOME

PROBABLY

IDK

HE SAID HE WANTS TO BUT HIS LADY FRIEND DOESNT WANT HIM THERE

OR SHE DOES BUT SHES ANGRY

SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES

 **pegs:** who is burr

 **croissant:** ah, mon ami

let me tell you before alex can

 **alex:** he is a fucking dumbass

he always thinks he is making a point with his arguments when he really is saying nothing

and when he isnt making pointless points, he isnt speaking

he is saying to talk less and smile more

like BITCH IF I WANTED TO SMILE I WOULD

BUT I LIKE TALKING

DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

 **croissant:** well ok

he is an alright man, alexander just has some differences with him is all

 **alex:** DIFFERENCES

a difference is when john wants me to suck his dick and i want to finish a paper

what aaron and i have is not a difference

 **ANGELica:** alex

keep it tame

 **pegs:** ok angie

i've had sex i know how it works 

 **ANGELica:** YOU WHAT????!???!?!!?!?!??!??!!?!

WITH WHO

COME TO MY DORM RIGHT NOW

 **elizhuh:** i'm joining

 **alex:** burr isnt even human

i think he is a robot

he doesnt even like chipotle

Who The Fuck Doesnt Like Chipotle???????

like damn their guac is so fucking good and aaron is over here like "it's americanized mexican food!1!!1!1!1!1!"

I DONT CARE IM IN NYC IM NOT GONNA FUCKING FLY ON OVER TO MEXICO TO GET AUTHENTIC FOOD

 **john <3: **going back to the sucking dick thing

we usually compromise

aaron and alex dont even have the word compromise in their feud dictionary

 **hulkules:** i think alex needs a drink

lets go get some drinks

 **pegs:** im 18

 **ANGELica:** we cant join tonight

i have to talk to my sisters

 **pegs:** someone bring me back a drink

 **croissant:** i'll bring back two drunk sexually crazed boyfriends for you to watch

 **pegs:** nvm dont

 **alex:** another thing??  BURR DOESNT EVEN DRINK VODKA

like i get its GROSS but if someone offers you a shot, you DRINK IT FOR FUCKS SAKE

I DONT CARE IF HE THOUGHT I POISONED IT

 **john <3: **babe

it was a cupcake vodka shot

no one would accept that

poisoned or not

 **croissant:** john is right for once, alexander

 **alex:** i need a fuckin drink

Now

\---

 **croissant:** they are drunk again

how can hercules and i maintain our alcohol and they cannot

and im only 20

these two are of age and can barely take one beer

 **alex:** i am. fucking. 2.1

yeArs youn g

i am. fucking olld as fuckk and one. dy im goijgn to be t eh fcukin g moos t influentniail peoplle on this fuckinng plant

 **hulkules:** how is the sex talk going, ladies

 **john <3: **ic ould goo f ro some s ex right now

whhere is alexandr

w e need. to leavve this. mbuilding immidiately

i wannt thatt cockk in my fucking throat right. now

aftetr i throw up

 **alex:** rmemeber when you thr ew up on my. dick once

thag w a sfucking. gross

 **john <3: **sooryry

 **elizhuh:** What the Fuck

and

its going well

peggy apparently is very known with the boys

 **hulkules:** good job, peggy

 **ANGELica:** dont encourage her

and dont get any ideas

and put those sex addicts to bed

 **hulkules:** yes maam

 **pegs:** please bring me a drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. i figured it was time to introduce peggy. also, the ages are all different than they were realistically since it is an au and i wasn't about to make hercules 14 years older than them. follow my twitter for more hamilton @crissftlaurens


	10. happy damn birthday, alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander has a sloppy birthday

_John <3 changed the group chat name to_

**IT's ALEX'S FUCKIN BIRTHDAY**

 

**john <3: **ALEX

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BABE

YOU ARE 22

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AMAZING

ITS MIDNIGHT BUT I LOVE YOU

i just realized we fucked into your birthday

thats a first

**alex:** love u too

and we just had bday sex so its a good start to my day

u dont need to wish me again but thanks

**elizhuh:** happy birthday alexander!!!!!!!!

are we celebrating tonight?

**hulkules:** fuck yea we are

angie ur bringing the booze right

**ANGELica:** um duh???

at my apartment yeah?

also really? fucked into his birthday?

u guys are messes

**john <3: **our place is a fuckin mess

we are just very passionate boyfriends

but yeah at ur apartment

**hulkules:** hell yeah

it sucks ur birthday is on a monday but

what can ya do

**pegs:** am i invited

**ANGELica:** no

**alex:** yes

its my birthday she is allowed

**ANGELica:** she is underage

**alex:** did she say she would drink????????

no

so she is invited

**ANGELica:** fine whatever but if she drinks, u get to deal with it

**alex:** again

its my bday no i dont

**elizhuh:** oh god

**john <3: **he is demanding when it isnt his bday and now its up 22x since it is his bday

this will be fun

* * *

 

**hulkules:** where is laf

its only 9pm and the bday boy is already drunk

i need backup

**john <3: **he is having fun let him live

**hulkules:** he has taken two bday cake shots

those are gross as fuck

**john <3: **ok ur not wrong

but

i cant stop him

he is a nonstop kind of man

**croissant:** i am on my way

i bought a cake for the petit lion

**elizhuh:** we have so much cake

**ANGELica:** did someone send out a text saying bring cake and i forgot to read it

bc everyone brought a fuckin cake

**john <3: **i might have...

i thought no one would

so i told everyone to and hoped only one person would remember

**alex:** i fucki n g love bjrthday cake

my momm never. cmad e me cake

snd nhthenshe died and i neve r. todl my fostge r rfa mily to bring mme. cake

sctuial,y tbh

this is my thir d time celebraitng a birthdayy evev r

**hulkules:** laf

he is getting deep and emotional

we need u here asap

**john <3: **i mean i could take him home but

usually laf knows how to get alex out of his emo state

**pegs:** why is thomas here

**john <3: **who is thomas

**ANGELica:** tjeff u dumbass

**john <3: **i forgot his name is thomas

* * *

 

**croissant:** i hear yelling inside

im afraid to come in

**elizhuh:** alex, john and herc ended up fighting tjeff

alex said since he is the bday boy he can fight whoever he wants

except he forgot tjeff is like twice his size

**hulkules:** i am not fightinng

i am all about pea. ce an dlove

im jusut trying to get the inside info

**elizhuh:** also herc has had some alcohol

**croissant:** have u tried wooing alex with cake

**elizhuh:** he threw one in tjeff's face

imagine alex saying "u want to debate? eat some fucking cake!" and throwing it at tjeff, aiming horribly and then laughing for about ten mins bc what he said vaguely rhymed

**croissant:** i have come inside and see the frosting

i apologize on alex's behalf, angelica

**ANGELica:** trust me i have had worse

**alex:** DIDI YOU GUYSY FFUCKKIJG. S EEE THAT

IF FUCKING G ATTACKE DETYJEJEFF SO FUCKCIJNGNG GHARD

THIS SIS THE BEE T BIRTHDYA EVER

IMLVOE YOU GUYSS. OSOSOOSOSOS MCH

I LOV E CAKE TOOOO

**ANGELica:** definitely had worse than a 22 year old obsessed with cakes and debates

i think we forget the year herc threw a chair across the room because he remembered his sixth birthday at chuck e cheese when he did not win a gameboy

**croissant:** we never forget

**alex:** CANN WE GE T MOR ESHOTS

I WANT. ANITHE R DAY CAKE SHOT

WITHB REAL BDAY CAKE

CAN IT RHOW A SHOT AT TJEFF

**elizhuh:** this night has only just begun

sorry about your apartment, angelica

**croissant:** did alex just pass out? or was that john

**ANGELica:** whoever it was is paying for the carpet cleaning

happy damn birthday, alex

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a new update! in honor of alexander's birthday, here is this. i feel like he would be the type to not celebrate his birthday unless convinced with alot of alcohol - like here. thank you for reading! your kudos & comments & everything mean so so much to me, i cannot believe so many of you read this fic. it is very much appreciated. follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	11. MERMAIDS CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex isn't prepared for the snow storm

**alex:** wtf is the sky DOING

 **ANGELica:** snowing

 **alex:** MAKE IT STOP

NOW

ITS EVERYWHERE

IM IN A COFFEESHOP

SOMEONE HELP

IM GOING TO BE TRAPPED FOREVER

FUCK

ALL I WILL EAT IS COFFEE CAKE

ALL I WILL DRINK IS COFFEE

IM GOING TO TURN INTO COFFEE

IM GOING TO BECOME THE STARBUCKS COFFEE MERMAID

THIS IS HORRIBLE

MERMAIDS CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE

MERMAIDS ARE ILLITERATE 

OH GOD

 **john <3: **babe just walk to our place

its not that far

 **alex:** NOT THAT FAR

ITS LIKE TEN MINS WALKING

I WILL DIE IN THE SNOW

 **elizhuh:** alexander the snow isnt even that bad yet

you'll be back before it gets really bad if you leave now

 **alex:** im going to die

my will is in my desk

goodbye cruel world

 **hulkules:** how have u already written a will

 **john <3: **come to our place

i know ways to keep u warm ;)

 **elizhuh:** john we made a resolution on new years that u guys would keep the sex talk out of the gc

 **john <3: **i never mentioned sex

i could have meant turn on a heater

make him soup

cuddle in blankets

bring up burr's last debate. that'll get him really heated

 **ANGELica:** ok but burr's last debate was really bad

 **hulkules:** he made some good points tbh...

 **john <3: **im kicking herc out

sorry everyone

i cant be in a gc with someone who says such offensive things

* * *

 

 **john <3: **its been 15 mins where is alex

did he die in the snow

what if he did die

what if his body reacted badly to the cold

guys

WHY DOES NO ONE CARE

MY BOYFRIEND COULD BE DEAD

WE HAVE THE JONAS BROTHERS BLIZZARD COMING THROUGH AND MY BOYFRIEND IS DEAD

THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE

wait

nvm

 **alex:** im at the fuckin door

open it

im a snowman

if u spend one more second not opening that door u will never have sex with me again

 **elizhuh:** alex

the sex texts

really

 **alex:** its the only way john listens

he opened the door

 **ANGELica:** why didnt u have a key

 **alex:** i realized i left it at the coffeeshop with my book halfway through my walk

too late to turn back

 **elizhuh:** so someone has ur key rn

 **alex:** who knows

where is laf

 **croissant:** freezing in this snow storm to see spring awakening's closing night, mon ami

 **alex:** of course

good luck

 **john <3:** alex put ur phone down so i can warm u up

 **ANGELica:** gross

 **elizhuh:** THE SEX TEXTS

REALLY

 **alex:** he actually brought up burr's debate

brb writing down all the reasons why burr's points SUCKED @ HERC

oh wait he isnt in the gc anymore

 **john <3**: good. i dont need that disrespect in my life

 **elizhuh:** u are both so immature

go have sex

 **john <3:** thanks for the permission, mom

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone on the east coast is staying safe from the snow storm !! i hope you enjoy this update, thank you so much for all your comments and hits and kudos. they are all so much appreciated. follow my twitter @crissftlaurens


	12. SUUUUPEEEEERBOOWWWWWWLLLLLL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad discussing how their superbowl day will occur

**hulkules:** SUUUUPEEEEERBOOWWWWWWLLLLLL

**john <3: **u are the only one who likes football

**alex:** football is just an excuse to get drunk on sundays

**hulkules:** its a good excuse

**alex:** no one cares about football, herc

**pegs:** i enjoy it

**alex:** ur also like 7

**ANGELica:** alex

dont be an ass to peggy

i'll fight u

**john <3: **thats something i would watch

football, no thanks

angelica and alex fighting, Yes Please

**elizhuh:** u only want to watch them fight bc alex getting angry turns u on

**john <3: **well ur not wrong

**hulkules:** eliza - 1, john - 0

**john <3: **im not at 0

im gonna get laid tonight probably

thats more than u guys can say

**hulkules:** u are uninvited to the party

no alcohol for u

**ANGELica:** HA 

**john <3: **Me?

uninvited to a football party?

oh golly what ever will i do?

i guess i'll have to stay home and not watch a pointless sport and have sex with my hot boyfriend.

Oh No.

this is horrible.

oh heavens. 

**hulkules:** alex is still invited

**alex:** fuck yes

broncos are gonna win

**hulkules:** u both are uninvited

**john <3: **HA

**croissant:** do i have to go and watch such a boring game?

**elizhuh:** laf, yes! it will be fun, trust me

plus there is no downside to watching men run around in tight pants

**croissant:** this is very true..

**john <3: **alex and i are gonna stay home.

and not watch football. 

**alex:** ok babe

**elizhuh:** i feel like u guys have a sex addiction

**john <3: **addictions are good if they do no harm

**ANGELica:** that makes no sense

have u been drinking already

**john <3: **its 10am

**ANGELica:** wouldnt be the first time u got drunk in the morning on a sunday

**john <3: **damn right

but at least i didnt try to shove a baguette up my ass that morning unlike some people

**croissant:** mon ami, it was one time

compared to you trying to get alex to blow you in broad daylight on the balcony,

i think my mistakes are little

**alex:** we dont talk about it

have fun watching football

i hope the panthers lose

**hulkules:** and i hope burr walks in on you having sex

**alex:** that happened once

and we dont even live together anymore

**hulkules:** i still hope it happens

**john <3: **fuck off

**hulkules:** anything for u, sweetheart

**ANGELica:** u guys are so weird

**hulkules:** weird? you wound me, angelica

**ANGELica:** maybe u have been drinking already

**hulkules:** who knows

**ANGELica:** u do

**hulkules:** fuck

u right

**elizhuh:** maybe i'll watch football at home...

**croissant:** if u leave me with this sloppy mess, i will scream, eliza

**john <3: **alex's and my plans seem better and better

**ANGELica:** fuck off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a very short update, but i hope you guys enjoyed! thank you so much for your comments and kudos and everything. it means alot. follow my twitter @crissftlaurens

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted an excuse to try out the texting format more. inspired by many.


End file.
